SS Lesson - Amnon and Tamar
### Sunday School Lesson: 2 Samuel Chapter 13 – The Rape of Tamar and the Killing of Amnon
#### Overview of the Chapter
Setting: David’s royal household
Main Characters:
Amnon - The name Amnon means “Faithful, Stable.”
- David’s first-born son, born from his wife Ahinoam the Jezreelitess (2 Samuel 3:2). Being the first-born, Amnon was the crown prince – first in line for the throne of Israel.)
- As later events will show, he did not love Tamar at all. Amnon lusted after Tamar and called it love. He certainly was not the last person to do this, and lust often masquerades as love.
- In his lust, Amnon did not allow himself to call Tamar his sister – instead, she was "Absalom’s sister". The power of lust is strong enough to twist the way we see reality.
- "Please let Tamar my sister come and make a couple of cakes for me": Amnon’s behavior was clearly childish, and David indulged it. Amnon acted like a baby. It is childish to refuse food unless it is served the way we want it.
- He forced her and lay with her: This was nothing but rape. Tamar did whatever she could to avoid this and all the blame clearly rests on Amnon.
- The hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. Amnon had no real love for Tamar, only lust – and so he immediately felt guilty over his sin. Tamar was simply a reminder of his foolish sin. He wanted every reminder of his sin to be put far away.
Tamar (David’s daughter, sister to Absalom)
- This brother and sister — Absalom/Tamar — were the children of David through his wife Maacah, who was the daughter of Talmai, king of Geshur (2 Samuel 3:3).
- The name Tamar means “Palm Tree,” signifying fruitfulness.
- "Do not do this disgraceful thing": Tamar easily saw how evil and disgraceful this was. Amnon could not see what was so plainly evident because he was blinded by lust.
- "Please speak to the king; for he will not withhold me from you": The Law of Moses commanded against any marriage between a half-brother and half-sister (Leviticus 18:11). Tamar probably said this simply as a ploy to get away from Amnon.
- "This evil of sending me away is worse than the other that you did to me": What Amnon did to Tamar was wrong, but he could still somewhat redeem the situation by paying her bride-price in accordance with Exodus 22:16-17 and Deuteronomy 22:28-29. The payment was meant to compensate for the fact that Tamar was now less likely to be married because she was no longer a virgin.
- "Put this woman out…bolt the door behind her."
- Tamar deserved better treatment as an Israelite.
- Tamar deserved better treatment as a relative.
- Tamar deserved better treatment as a sister.
- Tamar deserved better treatment as a princess.
Absalom (David’s son, brother to Tamar)
- responsible for Amnon's slaying.
- The name Absalom means “His Father’s Peace.”
Jonadab (Amnon’s cousin)
- an evil adviser to Amnon
- King David's nephew (2 Sam. 13:32).
- His wicked advice to Amnon began a disastrous chain of events.
- A friend who truly was no friend at all; a carnal friend, a spiritual enemy
- He advised, for the recovery of the body, the ruin of his soul.
- "Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill": Jonadab advised Amnon to deceitfully arrange a private meeting with Tamar. He didn’t need to say, “And then force yourself on Tamar,” because in their shared wickedness, Jonadab and Amnon already thought the same wicked thoughts.
Maacach David's first wife
- daughter of King Talmai of Geshur
King David
- From this and other passages, it appears that David was generally indulgent towards his children. This may be because he felt guilty that in having so many wives (2 Samuel 3:2-5), children, and responsibilities of state, he didn’t take the time to be a true father to his children.
- He dealt with the guilt by being soft and indulgent with his children.
- This is often how the iniquity of the fathers is carried on by the children to the third and fourth generations (Exodus 20:5). A child will often model a parent’s sinful behavior and may go further than the sin of the parent.
Major Events:
Amnon becomes obsessed with his half-sister Tamar.
Jonadab gives Amnon deceitful advice.
Amnon deceives Tamar and rapes her.
Tamar is shamed and cast out.
Absalom takes Tamar in but holds a grudge.
David is angry but does not punish Amnon.
Two years later, Absalom avenges Tamar by killing Amnon.
Key Lessons and Themes
- The Danger of Selfish Desire
Amnon’s lust is rooted in selfishness, not love.
He chooses to act on impulse rather than seeking what is right.
Moral Lesson: Desire must be guided by God's standards, not personal gratification.
- Influence and Peer Pressure
Jonadab encourages Amnon to manipulate Tamar.
Bad counsel leads to disastrous outcomes.
Moral Lesson: Choose your friends and advisors wisely; ungodly influence can distort judgment.
- The Injustice and Trauma of Sin
Tamar’s dignity is violated; her life is forever changed.
She mourns in sackcloth, symbolizing deep inner pain.
Moral Lesson: Sin often harms the innocent more than the guilty realize.
- Failure of Justice and Parental Responsibility
David is angered but does not take action against Amnon.
His passivity contributes to Absalom taking justice into his own hands.
Judgment Point: When leaders fail to address wrongdoing, others may seek their own justice.
- Bitterness and Revenge
Absalom harbors resentment for two years before striking.
His act of vengeance leads to further division and bloodshed.
Forgiveness Point: Bitterness breeds more sin; true healing requires confronting injustice and seeking God's justice rather than personal revenge.
- The Ripple Effects of Sin
The rape of Tamar leads to the murder of Amnon.
David’s family begins to fracture—this event contributes to future rebellion.
Consequences Point: Sin rarely ends with one act; it spreads and multiplies when unchecked.
- God’s Justice vs. Human Judgment
Though David does not punish Amnon, justice still comes through tragic means.
This reveals the limitations of human leadership without God’s guidance.
Judgment Point: God's justice is perfect and will ultimately prevail, even when humans fail.
- Compassion for the Victimized
Tamar’s suffering is real and long-lasting; her voice and pain must not be ignored.
The story invites us to protect the vulnerable and stand for the oppressed.
Moral & Forgiveness Point: While we may not be able to undo harm, we can offer support, dignity, and restoration to victims.
Application Questions for Discussion What can we learn from Amnon's choices about controlling our desires?
How can we guard ourselves against bad advice or peer pressure?
What should we do when we see injustice around us?
How can we avoid letting anger turn into vengeance like Absalom did?
How can we respond in love and support when someone has been hurt or violated?
Closing Thought: This chapter is deeply painful but important. It teaches that unchecked sin, selfishness, and silence in the face of evil can destroy families and lives. As followers of Christ, we are called to seek righteousness, extend compassion, speak truth, and pursue justice.